We spend most of our lives trying to fit in and be like everyone else. As kids, our parents, our culture, and our traditions often embarrassed us. The day you get married, put the embarrassment aside, and embrace what sets you … Continue reading
So you get engaged and the first person you thought to call was your Mom. At first she is filled with joy and so excited, she sets out making plans in her head, some of which she decides to discuss with you. She calls all her friends and family, you start to begin planning the wedding, looking for venues, discovering likes, dislikes and cost of goods. You discuss the guest list and how to divide up the number of gueasts each family should be able to invite. Then, suddenly you notice a change in her behavior or maybe even mood swings around the subject of your wedding.
This is totally normal! Unexpected and unpleasant but, definitely a part of the process. When I got engaged my Mom, went a little nuts, too. Suddenly this woman that raised me and taught me to be generous and inclusive started to get territorial and petty. I heard comments like “why do they get to invite their friends? Why are they getting the same number of guests when I am paying?”…I was devastated to hear my Mom speak this way. It was not how she raised me. I felt so uncomfortable and couldn’t understand what was wrong. I even stopped speaking to her for a week.
Today, after working with countless brides and their mothers I can safely say that this behavior is common. Your Mom just needs some time to get used to the idea of sharing her baby with a whole new family. At first she feels very threatened by the attention you are getting from your “family to be” namely the future “Mother in law.” It is unsettling in many ways and the one thing I have learned over the years is that what provokes this behavior is that when you get engaged, you already know your family of origin and what makes them tick. However, your future husband’s family is a whole different experience. The allure and intrigue of the future in-laws enticing. They seem to be so different than your family and so much more normal and sort of hip and their relationship with you feels almost magical. They are still new and somewhat of a mystery; you don’t really know them yet, they seem gracious and welcoming and after all they raised the man you fell in love with- so they have to be pretty darn special. Right? So why wouldn’t you have instant love and closeness with them. You are marrying their son.
Give it time- You need to get to know your future husbands family without feeling guilty and your Mom just needs to settle in and realize that you are still going to be her daughter.She has to feel that she will still be a part of your life.And as you learn more about his family the excitement will begin to fade.After all- every family has their baggage.Once the mystery is gone you will be back to normal with your Mom. Allow her this time and don’t expect it to be different.Embrace this period and have room for her to get used to the idea of sharing you, her baby, the one she gave birth too, raised and loved.
I hope you found this article helpful and informative. If you have any questions or need any help please feel free to contact me or leave comments. I look forward to helping you have a stress free event.
Grace, Gratitude and Happy Planning!
So you just got engaged. The excitement wears off and you think to yourself: Now what? Where do you begin when you first start planning your wedding? Do you begin by getting your venue? Do you begin to plan your wedding by picking a date? What is that first step?
Personally, I think that one of the first places to start with when planning your wedding is your budget.I know, it isn’t the most fun place to begin but it is the most important place to start.
Dreams, ideas and images of the perfect day are great. They are important- but they all cost money. So start with the nuts and bolts and learn how to move your money around and you just may end up with everything you ever wanted.
Wedding budgets are like a giant jigsaw puzzle with a hundred or more little pieces. The number of pieces to this puzzle depends upon the level of detail that you want or must have at your wedding ceremony and reception. So, before you get started you have to really think about a lot of factors such as: what you must have in order for the day to be perfect in your mind. These are the things, no matter how small, that if missing on your day will cause you to think that your wedding is not going to be perfect.
So, I suggest you make a list, have your fiancé make a list, have your parents and his parents make a list. That’s right, the parents get to make a list and yes both sets of parents should make their own list. Especially, if they are helping to pay; cause you know that if they are paying they are going to want to have a say.
Then when all your lists are done, sit down together and discuss them as calmly as possible. I know you have been dreaming about this day since you were a little girl, but don’t forget, your Mother and his Mother have also been dreaming all that time and maybe even longer. If you are afraid of this meeting turning into a screaming match then come up with a plan. Either meet in a restaurant where you have to maintain some level of calm or hire a coach to help you sort through these lists in a calm and neutral way. No matter what- you have to know what you must have at your wedding in order for it to be perfect. In order for your dream to come to fruition. You may have to make some compromises along the way, but, you may just get it all.
Has this been helpful? I would love to know. What are your concerns or fears in planning your wedding. Leave a comment and let me know your thoughts.
Grace and Gratitude and Happy Planning!